Ready to associate cave sex with kids’ birthday parties? Then watch this amazing Game of Thrones rap battle.

This incredible YouTube video by StageFiveTv begins with the premise of a couple giving their kid a Game of Thrones-themed birthday party, but as you will see, it immediately transforms into one of the most amazing rap battles this side of the Narrow Sea:

Each faction’s story is summarized using lightning-speed deliveries with clever inclusion of both book and tv show story elements. This would be the most amazing kid’s party, if it were real, and I would in no way threaten my husband (if I had one) with divorce over it. I’d probably buy him one of those beer tap armchair systems, instead.